What Miracles May Come
by Only Hope-7
Summary: What if Landon and Jamie did get their miracle...or two or three...?
1. Prologue and Miracle 1

I don't own these characters! :)  
  
Prologue  
  
Life is full of surprises. Some are good and some are bad. Sometimes with the bad comes good. Naturally, we want only good surprises in life, but if we aren't willing to take a risk, we may never find the good that is sometimes hidden. I've learned this lesson more than once… the first time being my view on Jamie Sullivan. Was her good hidden? Most definitely not. Was my good hidden? Definitely. And who was it that saw that buried good? Jamie Sullivan.  
  
Falling in love with her was a surprise indeed, but it was…a good surprise. Finding out she had leukemia…now that was a bad surprise…or was it? Because with it came so many wonderful things: marriage…faith...and a love much deeper than I could have ever imagined. It was something that I wanted to hold onto so desperately, and I found myself searching…praying for a miracle. Maybe that's what we're all really looking for...that special miracle. It may be small or it may be large. Nevertheless, we want something amazing to happen in our life. And so we look and hope…and sometimes, just sometimes, we get the miracle we're looking for.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Seasons change with time. It's inevitable. And so as summer came to a close, I worried that Jamie's life would as well. But the leaves began to fall, and the grass in our front yard died loosing its lush green color, but Jamie…Jamie was still very much alive. In fact, she was better than she was at the beginning of the summer. I would wake up every morning to see her smile and end every night with it too. Day after day, week after week, prayer after prayer…Jamie was still with me. I soon forgot that she was supposedly suffering from a terminal illness because she simply wasn't suffering. And talk of death ceased. I was attending school and working only part time because of my situation with Jamie. She had insisted that I go ahead with college not wanting to hold me back, and although I hated to leave her, I knew she was right. What am I saying? She was always right.  
  
In early December, Jamie decided that she needed to get a full check up seeing how she was experiencing new energy. I held her hand as the doctor told us her latest test results, expecting the worst. Little did I know that I was about to get the best news of my life. The cancer was gone. There was no trace of it left in Jamie's body. In short, we had gotten our miracle.  
  
We sat in silence for a few moments, letting it all sink in. I had dreamed about something like this so many times, and now it was coming true. Jamie…my sweet and beautiful Jamie wasn't going to leave me so soon. She turned towards me, her eyes shining as they did when I proposed, and then a smile slowly formed on her face. A smile I had grown to love more and more each day. I smiled back, joy overflowing in my eyes. We spoke with the doctor for a little longer, though I can't remember what was said. All I knew was that Jamie was going to be okay, and that was all that mattered.  
  
When we were finally alone, Jamie and I stood on the sidewalk in the cold winter air and stared at each other. I don't think either one of us had words to describe what we were feeling at that moment. Jamie shook her head, laughter of joy coming from her mouth. I soon joined in, taking her in my arms and spinning her around. "Yes!" I remember shouting as Jamie squealed in delight. I set her down, taking her face in my hands. "Oh Jamie…you're going to be okay…you're really going to be okay!"  
  
"I can't believe it."  
  
"It's a miracle." My eyes roamed her gentle face. "You're a miracle." I whispered as my lips fell to hers. And I kissed my wife on the street that day with such bliss and love. Jamie's hands tucked around my upper arms as mine entangled themselves in her soft hair. It was a kiss filled with new hope. Hope in a bright future together. Granted it would not be perfect. Life would be hard, but we…we had been given another chance, and I was not going to Jamie Sullivan Carter for anything less than she was…a miracle.  
  
~  
  
We called everyone to tell them the good news, and they were all thrilled. Being able to say that Jamie's cancer was gone was the most wonderful feeling…I can't even put it into words. I took Jamie to dinner to celebrate at the restaurant where we had our first date. We danced, talked and enjoyed our new freedom. Everything was perfect until later that night at about 3 A.M. I turned over in bed and realized Jamie wasn't there. I sat up and turned on the lamp to find her sitting by the window. "Jamie what's wrong?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" She asked absently, her eyes distant.  
  
"What are you doing up?"  
  
"I couldn't sleep…I couldn't stop thinking."  
  
"Come here." I softly commanded scooting over in the bed. Jamie complied and joined me. "I can tell something's bothering you so what is it?" She shook her head, her eyes falling. I gently lifted her chin with my finger to find tears surfacing in her chocolate eyes. "Baby what is it?" Her eyes dropped to her lap again as she bit her lip. Seeing her cry always made me want to cry with her. When she was hurting, I always wanted to find the quickest way to help her. She took a quick breath and looked up at me.  
  
"Landon… are you sorry…that you married me?" There was no hiding the shock on my face. How could she even, for one moment, think that? I tried to recover from her question quickly, and assure her that I was NOT sorry.  
  
"Why would I be sorry?" She shook her head again, her eyes falling and rising in a brief movement.  
  
"Because now…that I'm okay…it's a lot more to commit to. I just have to know if you regret marrying me now that everything has changed."  
  
"Why would I regret the best thing that has ever happened to me?" I asked in a hushed voice. When Jamie only stared at me, I continued. "Listen to me…marrying you…was the smartest decision I have ever made. It was the best day of my life Jamie."  
  
She let out a slight gasp as a fresh tear rolled down her cheek. She looked at me then, her brow slightly furrowed, her eyes brimming with tears and holding the look of honor in them. "That day I promised myself to you in sickness and in health…all the days of my life. And Jamie I meant those words will all of my heart." My voice was genuine; even I could hear the sincerity in it. Jamie only nodded her head. "I love you Jamie…I love you." I whispered. This time she looked at me with contentment. I could see the pleasure in her loving eyes, and I felt pleasure as well.  
  
"Oh Landon…" She breathed, wrapping her arms around my neck. I held her for a while, her cheek resting on my shoulder.  
  
"Hey…" I said suddenly causing her to pull back. "You don't regret marrying me do you?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face. A smile lit her face, and she laughed…that perfect laugh…a laugh that I loved the sound of. Her hands went to my face, her lips crashing down on mine. I laughed under my breath, my hands gently going to her waist to support her body that was leaning on mine.  
  
"I love you." She mumbled against my lips. And that…was all it took.  
  
To Be Continued… 


	2. The surprise

Chapter Two  
  
Four years have come and gone since Jamie and I got our miracle. In those four years we have come to know an even stronger love than before. Her face is the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and I wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
Our life together is really quite simple if you think about it. I wake up to her smile. By the time I get showered and dressed, breakfast is almost ready. I walk outside and get the paper, wave to my neighbor across the street and go back inside. My cup of coffee is on the counter…yes I drink coffee now…I take it and sip on it as I read the paper in my other hand. Jamie sets our breakfast on the table and we talk about the latest headlines and anything that needs to be discussed before we part for the day.  
  
Jamie always reads a verse of scripture to me. She says it's the only way to start the day…and she's right. Somehow it always puts my day into perspective. We kiss goodbye and I head off to one of my classes while Jamie cleans up the kitchen and gets ready for work. After my class is over, I go to work as well. Jamie works at the orphanage and I…am a waiter if you can believe that. Hey…it pays the bills and doesn't require a degree…which I am working on. Luckily, my dad is paying for my education and Jamie's job does pay a decent amount. We're not rich by any means, but we make it just fine.  
  
I get home about six thirty and Jamie's home by that point. I can usually find her in the kitchen making dinner or out back working in the garden. We'll eat dinner shortly there after, maybe watch a little TV, and sometimes I have to go to a night class or back to work. Jamie decided she wanted to be a teacher. She felt that's what God called her to do. She plans to begin teaching next fall. Our daily routine varies slightly depending on what day it is, but as you can see…it is very simple…busy, but simple.  
  
But there's something that makes us different from the rest. And that is our love. Sure being married so young has made things more difficult. It's one more thing to keep up with I guess. But loving Jamie has never been difficult, nor has keeping my commitment to her. The very thought of her not being my wife makes me sick, and I'm so thankful I haven't had to live the past four years without her.  
  
As I pull into our driveway, just as I have many times before, I feel that certain twinge of anxiousness rise within me. It's the one I get every night…the excitement that I'm about to see Jamie again. Coming home to her every night is the best part of my day. I'll walk in to the aroma of dinner and then, I see her smile. She'll kiss me and ask about my day. Then she'll tell me about one of the children she worked with that day and what a blessing they are. And I'll smile because that's my Jamie. She never changes and it's comforting to have such a constant in my life.  
  
Tonight I'm extra anxious though. I have some really exciting news to tell her. I walk inside the house and call her name. After a moment of silence I her faintly saying she's out back. I walk through the already open patio door and see her on watering the flowers. Her face immediately lights up when she sees my bright expression. I kiss her and leave my arms around her waist. "I got in." Is all I whisper. She looks up at me confused for a moment. Then it hits her. A smile quickly grows on her face.  
  
"You got in to medical school?" She asks expectantly and I nod.  
  
"Oh Landon!" She clasps her hands together briefly and then throws her arms around me. "I'm so happy for you…I knew you could do it!" I hold her tightly and close my eyes. Her joy was coming from my happiness. I couldn't have asked for anyone to be more supportive than she was.  
  
"Why didn't you call me, I would have made something special for dinner?"  
  
"Because I wanted to see the expression on your face."  
  
"I'm so proud of you." She whispers as she kisses me.  
  
~  
  
We had our own celebration that night…just the two of us. And the night turned into morning. The alarm clock goes off and I squint at the morning sun coming in through the white curtains. Jamie begins to wake up as well. She rolls over and kisses me. "Mmm…morning." She mumbles, resting her head on my chest. I run my fingers through her soft hair allowing my eyes to rest a little longer. She sighs and sits up. "I'll go make breakfast." She says and puts on her robe, then heads out of the bedroom. It's a day just like any other day, but I smile… it just doesn't get any better than this.  
  
To be continued… 


	3. Waiting

Chapter Three  
  
It had been four weeks since I was accepted into medical school, four years since I said I do. Everything in our life together seemed to have fallen into place, but then Jamie started feeling bad. Needless to say I panicked. It was with subtle things, like she would oversleep, or get dizzy. I tried to shrug it off, but it was beginning to concern me. My thoughts went to the worst-case scenario. What if her cancer had come back?  
  
How would I handle that? I would be crushed of course just like the first time. I would have to face letting her go again. Worst of all…I would have to watch her suffer. I prayed that I was wrong, that she just had a touch of a bug or something…or maybe she was just simply tired. But when she fainted one afternoon… that did it. I insisted she go to the doctor.  
  
I tried to be patient as I sat in the waiting room. My eyes roamed the white walls. Couldn't they have it least given the place some color? White was just not very comforting. What was I saying? Who cares about the color of the walls! I absently picked up a magazine and thumbed through it. It didn't help though. My thoughts were only of Jamie, and as the minutes ticked by, my anxieties increased.  
  
By the time Jamie entered the room, I was convinced something was terribly wrong. She smiled faintly and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. I dug my hands into my pockets. "So what did the doctor say?"  
  
"Well I have to wait for the test results."  
  
"Oh…well does he think it's serious?"  
  
"Could be." Her vagueness was unusual. It reminded me of that night I first saw her wandering through the cemetery…  
  
Flashback  
  
"Hey…" She spun around, a curious look outlining her face. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I should ask you the same question."  
  
"Do you normally wander in the cemetery at night?"  
  
"Maybe." She turned to leave.  
  
"Where're you going?" The light appeared.  
  
"Come and see."  
  
End of Flashback  
  
And that's what it felt like now. A little mystery and a little intrigue. I then followed her out the door.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jamie stared out the car window as we drove home. She held a far off gleam in her eyes. It reminded me of when she thought she was dying. Dying…no…no not again. I didn't want her to go through that I again. I felt sick all of the sudden and she seemed to pick up on my uneasiness.  
  
"Landon?"  
  
"Yeah baby?"  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
"Me? Yeah…I'm fine."  
  
"Then why do you look like you're about to pass out?" I glanced at her with the "you know me to well" look.  
  
"I don't look like that."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"No I…" I look at her big eyes. "I forfeit."  
  
"Thank you." Light laughter filled the car for a moment.  
  
"Seriously I'm…"  
  
"You're what?"  
  
"Well Jamie, I'm a little worried about you to be honest. I mean you haven't been feeling well, and now you won't tell me anything the doctor said."  
  
"That's because there's really nothing to tell."  
  
"He wasn't concerned?"  
  
"He said he thought everything was fine. He just wanted to run a couple of tests."  
  
"When do we get the test results back?"  
  
"Within the next twenty-four hours."  
  
"Good…that's…that's good."  
  
Silence…  
  
"You seem nervous." I sighed.  
  
"No…just…curious." She shifted in her seat towards me, and said something that got my full attention.  
  
"Landon, there's something you should know…"  
  
TBC 


	4. Miracle 2 and Sharing the news

Chapter Four  
  
I remember being so consumed with thoughts of something being wrong I could hardly breathe. And when she turned to me and said, "Landon, there's something you should know." My heart clenched as I immediately brought the car to a halt. I gave her my full attention, my heart rate increasing each second.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's not cancer." She watched the realization slowly fill my eyes.  
  
"You mean.there's no chance?" She shook her head with a soft smile.  
  
"No chance." Words cannot express the immense relief those words brought me. She wasn't sick. The nightmare wasn't happening again.  
  
"Oh Jamie.I was so worried."  
  
"I know.I should have told you to begin with.I just."  
  
"You just what?" I couldn't imagine what she was trying to tell me. She looked at me thoughtfully, probably thinking I was dumb not to figure it out, but of course she would never say that.  
  
"I wanted to surprise you with the news."  
  
"I'm just so relieved." I held her hands in mine and stared into her beautiful brown eyes, but then a thought occurred to me. "Wait a minute."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said test results.test results for what Jamie?" She looked away and bit her lip thoughtfully. "Jamie?"  
  
"I didn't want to tell you here."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I don't want you to get your hopes up." Her face held a certain excitement that she was trying to contain.  
  
"Hopes up? Jamie I don't understand."  
  
"Landon you'll find out soon enough. Please be patient." She rarely asked anything of me, and I never could refuse those sweet brown eyes.  
  
"All right, all right. I'll forfeit.again." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The day seemed to go on forever. I heard the phone ring that evening, but Jamie said she would get it. A few minutes later she came into the living room with an odd smile on her face. I stood and stared at her for a while. She was dying with anticipation to tell me whatever the news was. It was really so obvious, but it just never occurred to me. I don't why.I guess I was automatically thinking the worst. But the smile on her face told me otherwise. This was good. "Was that the doctor's office?" She nodded beaming. "Well.what did they say?" She ducked her head for a moment, biting her lip and then looked up at me proudly.  
  
"They said we're going to have a baby." It felt like time froze for a moment then. Thousands of thoughts rushed through my head and wound back up at the fact that we were going to have a baby. She waited for me to respond with a hopeful look in her eyes. I started to crack a smile and then she smiled, holding her hands together. Her words were finally starting to sink in and reached for her. She was in my arms the next moment and I held her tightly. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"  
  
"Because then this moment wouldn't have been as special." She had never looked more beautiful to me than she did that instant. It was so Jamie to say something like that. She was always thinking ahead, preparing for the next step.  
  
"Oh Jamie." I breathed, pulling her close again. "Nothing could make this any less special." I felt her smile against my cheek and then she pulled back slightly. Her eyes danced between mine with a twinge of nervousness.  
  
"So you're happy about this?" A laugh caught under my breath and I kissed her instead of using words. They simply weren't necessary. She knew that and I knew that.and we also knew we had just gotten another miracle.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Living in a small town like Beaufort means news gets around fast. We were however, able to tell our parents the news before the word got out. Jamie and I had my parents and her father over for dinner one night. My mother immediately wanted to help in the kitchen, but Jamie insisted she could do it. So I entertained them for a little while and then snuck into the kitchen to "refill" my drink. Jamie was almost done with everything when I got in there and was humming "Only Hope" softly. music to my ears.  
  
I wrapped my arms around her from behind, kissing her neck and she tilted her head towards mine with a grin. "Dinner smells good." I whispered into her ear.  
  
"Thank you. It's almost ready. Do they suspect anything?"  
  
"Not a thing."  
  
"I can't wait to tell them." She turned around at me then with a huge smile and bright eyes. She was glowing and she was beautiful. Suddenly, I wished everyone else would just go away so I could be alone with her, but I knew that wasn't possible at the moment, nor did I want to take the excitement away from her. I kissed her head and began to head back into the living room. "Oh Landon."  
  
"Yeah?" She held a grin on her face.  
  
"What about your refill?" I furrowed brow, but then remembered. She never stopped surprising me. I gave her a smirk, refilled my drink and left the kitchen. Dinner was served about ten minutes later and was filled with good food and interesting conversation. But the most interesting was when it came time to tell everyone our news. We hadn't mentioned that we had any you see, so it came as a total surprise.  
  
"Jamie, how have you been feeling honey?" My mother asked giving us a perfect opportunity in which we took. Jamie glanced at me first and then back at my mother. Now Mom knew Jamie hadn't been feeling well, but she was in no way prepared for what we were about to say, nor were our dads.  
  
"Well, actually Landon took me took the doctor." Now all eyes were on me. That's always a great feeling.not. But of course Jamie rescued me. "Any way they ran some tests that confirmed their suspicions."  
  
"And what were those?" Her father spoke for the first time in a while, already concerned about his daughter. Jamie paused and then smiled softly.  
  
"That I was pregnant." She slipped her hand in mine then, though no one else knew. I squeezed it softly as we watched her words sink in. It hit my mother first and she clasped her hands happily.  
  
"Oh that's so wonderful!" She was thrilled to say the least and leaped up to hug Jamie and me. My dad soon smiled and offered his congratulations, but Reverend Sullivan.he just sat there with a blank look on his face. We all realized it after a few minutes.  
  
"Daddy?" He slowly made eye contact with Jamie's concerned eyes. He soon offered a small smile and nodded his head.  
  
"Well now.that's.that's." I think we all leaned forward simultaneously, but maybe I just imagined it. "Very nice." He nodded his head again, and then stood. After he kissed Jamie's cheek and gave me a pat on the back he left...without a word. The room was filled with silence for while. We were all in a little shock from his reaction.  
  
"Well he seemed happy about it." I said and laughter erupted. ********************************************** Later that night I helped Jamie tuck the sheets down. Her father's reaction had been bothering me all evening, but Jamie didn't seem to be concerned. "Do you think your father was upset?" I finally asked and she looked up at me with a smile and shook her head.  
  
"Oh no he's.very happy about it." My eyes widened in disbelief and she grinned. "He just doesn't know it yet." I smiled too then as we got into bed. Jamie scooted into my arms and sighed. "Don't worry about Dad.that's just his way of handling things. He'll come around.just like he did with you." She looked up at me proudly and I kissed her. Her head fell to my chest then and I noticed her eyelids falling.  
  
"You feeling okay?" Her eyes were closed by then; she was already half asleep.  
  
"Mmm.fine." Her breathing steadied and I knew she had fallen asleep. I smelled her brown hair, its fragrance sweet and then looked at her long arm gently draped across my stomach, her skin looking so soft. I could see her delicate eyelashes turning upwards under her light bangs. I suddenly wished she were awake so I could kiss her on the lips again, but I settled for her head instead. With the lamp turned out then, I too drifted off to sleep. I dreamt about Jamie that night. About our future and the best part was when I woke up the next morning.the dream became reality. 


	5. Everything

Chapter Six  
  
It seemed like the next day, but a few months had passed. And Jamie had been wonderful through it. She never complained when she wasn't feeling well and always had a smile on her face. She acted perfect.just like she always did.happy and filled with hope. You could hardly tell she was pregnant because of her loose clothes, but she was beginning to show. Somehow that made it all the more real. This was really happening.no going back.not that I wanted to.  
  
One night I found her standing sideways in front of the mirror, smoothing her dress with her hands and smiling at what she saw. I grinned at her though she didn't realize I was there. But she soon felt my eyes on her and looked over at me. "Why are you smiling like that?"  
  
"Because.I think." I walked over to her, my hands going to her hips. She looked up at me with interested eyes.  
  
"What?" Her voice was soft, totally unaware of how breathtaking she was.  
  
"I think.you are absolutely beautiful." Her smile faded and appeared in her eyes. "And I love you." Her chin slowly tilted up towards mine and then her lips graced my own. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close. She continued to kiss me, her hands traveling through my hair. I picked her up then and carried her to the bed, never breaking our kiss. Her body was slightly underneath mine as she allowed me access to her neck. I felt her move suddenly.except she didn't really move at all. I pulled away abruptly and she looked at me with curious eyes. "What was that?" I questioned with a rasp in my voice and she furrowed her brow.  
  
"What was what?" She asked innocently, though I think she knew what I was talking about.  
  
"You just moved without moving." She grinned knowingly and placed my hand on her stomach without saying a word. I felt the slightest movement underneath my hand and my eyes traveled to her face. She was smiling softly at me, loving the moment. "Was that.is that?" She nodded, the smile never leaving her face. "That is so.cool." She laughed at my choice of words, but she knew what I meant. She understood that I couldn't really put into words what I was feeling.  
  
I looked at her adoringly then, the sparkle in my eyes matching hers. Everything became truly real. I thought it had before, but I was wrong. This moment is what made it a reality. "Thank you." I whispered and she pulled my face towards hers. I rested my forehead against hers, my hand stroking her hair. Her fingers lightly touched my face urging me to kiss her.and I did. *********************************************************** "Come with me." I took her hand and led her to the porch. "Wait here."  
  
"Kay." I went inside and opened the nearest window and turned on the CD player and then returned to her. She was anxiously awaiting whatever I had in store.  
  
"Will you.dance with me?" I sounded like I did when I asked her out for the first time, and she smiled at me and fell into my arms, her head going to my chest. I never danced until I met her. She was the first person that gave me a reason to want to learn.  
  
Find me hear Speak to me I want to feel you I need to hear you  
  
You are the light That is leading me To the place where I find peace again  
  
You are the strength That keeps me walking You are the hope That keeps me trusting  
  
You are the life to my soul You are my purpose You are everything  
  
And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me How could it be any better than this?  
  
You calm the storms You give me rest You hold me in your hands You won't let me fall  
  
You still my heart And you take my breath away Would you take me in Would you take me deeper now  
  
And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me How could it be any better than this?  
  
And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me How could it be any better than this?  
  
'Cause you're all I want You're all I need You're everything Everything (×4)  
  
And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me How could it be any better than this?(×2)  
  
Any better. any better. yeah Any better than this Would you tell me How could it be any better than this?  
  
"That's how I feel about you Jamie." She looked up at me surprised and yet obviously touched at the same time. "I remember waking up one morning and thinking that it just doesn't get any better than this. And it doesn't.you are the best Jamie." A stray tear rolled down her cheek and I wiped it away.  
  
"How can I be the best when you are?" My brow furrowed as I slowly swallowed. She tilted her head with a smile of pleasure. My eyes searched her face, the love in her own eyes, the way her face held such a sincere look. I looked down at her hand and took it mine, my eyes never leaving it.  
  
"Why do you say things like that?" I didn't deserve it.I never deserved her love in the first place. I knew it when she was sick and I knew it then, but somehow she didn't see it that way. She loved me for who I was, for the man that I became because of her.  
  
"Because it's the truth." My eyes raised slowly, my cheek pressing against her hand that was caressing it. My free hand rose and covered hers, our other hands still intertwined. I closed my eyes at the sensation. "You're my angel remember?" Even though she wasn't sick any more, she still gave me that credit. I opened my eyes quickly, dropping her hand and pulling her face to mine. The action was sudden, but she came willingly.  
  
And as I continued to kiss her, I thought of everything we had been through and the love that never seemed to waver, but only grow stronger. Our love was bonded forever. I didn't tell her my thoughts, but like always.she knew.  
  
Song Credit: "Everything"-Lifehouse  
  
TBC 


	6. Baby names

I know it's been a long time since I updated this fic. Hope you guy still remember it. I'm not sure if this chapter is good, but it'll do. (  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
"Landon, which one do you like better: Joseph or Joshua?" Now this was about the hundredth time she had asked me this question. Only she changed the name choices each time.  
  
"I don't know.which one do you like?"  
  
"I'm not sure; I don't think I want to name our child either of them now that I really think about it." I laughed, kissing her head and then turning over.  
  
"All right, whatever you want." I closed my eyes in hopes of going to sleep while Jamie continued to thumb through her Bible. She had already decided whether it was a boy or girl, she wanted the name to have some biblical reference to it.  
  
"Landon?"  
  
"Yes baby?" She scooted over by me, her hand resting on my arm.  
  
"The baby doesn't have to have a biblical name.I mean, if you'd rather have a Landon Jr. or something." I faced her and she stopped talking.  
  
"Jamie I told you that doesn't matter to me. Stop worrying about it." I caressed her cheek softly. "I'm sure we'll come up with something." She smiled a moment later. that beautiful smile.  
  
"You're right and we have plenty of time."  
  
"Yes we do. So can we please go to sleep?" She grinned and nodded. I kissed her and turned over again. Darkness filled the room as did the sweet sound of silence, briefly.  
  
"Landon I just thought of something."  
  
"What's that?" I mumbled, and then the light was on again.  
  
"What if it's a girl?" I turned to face her yet again. "I mean do we really want to name her something like." She never got to finish her sentence because I silenced her with a long, very long kiss. *******************************************************  
  
"Belinda's throwing me a baby shower." Jamie told me one morning while she was making breakfast, and it caught me off guard.  
  
"Why would she do something like that?" My voice held certain disgust I guess. Yes, I had forgiven Belinda, it was just it was still a sore subject.  
  
"Because she's being nice."  
  
"Jamie you two aren't really friends.I mean, think of all the things she did to you." I still had hard time letting those go.  
  
"I forgave her remember?" When I didn't say anything she kept going. "I thought you had too." She was disappointed and I felt guilty.  
  
"I.I have.I have.it's just.well."  
  
"It's just what?" Her brown eyes were big with curiosity.  
  
"Wouldn't you rather Sally give you a shower?" They had been in the play together.  
  
"Whoever is nice enough to offer is fine with me." And that was my Jamie being Jamie. Sweet, willing and appreciative. She always made me soften.  
  
"I just want this to be special for you and if Belinda is in charge of it.well."  
  
"Landon, I appreciate your concern, but nothing could take my happiness away." I looked at her gentle face, forgetting about Belinda and Sally or anybody else for that matter.  
  
"You really mean that don't you?"  
  
"Of course I do. You've made me this happiest woman on earth Landon Carter." She grinned, sitting down on my lap.  
  
"You've changed me forever. Did you know that?" I marveled her beauty, her grace, her ability to love others. And she surprised me yet again.  
  
"I didn't.God did through me." It was not a normal response, it was a Jamie response. And that was even better.  
  
"I love you." I whispered, a smile sweeping across her face. It fell soon after, seriousness taking over.  
  
"Landon I want to ask you something.and I know we've talked about this before, but if you had known that night on the porch that I was going to live, would you have still proposed to me?" Every once in a while, she would ask me something like that. It always took me back to a different time, a different place. A place where I thought Jamie was going to be taken from me. But I looked into her eyes then and smiled. She was there, with me and we were going to have a baby. And there was no doubt in my mind what my answer was.  
  
"In a heartbeat."  
  
TBC 


	7. The promise

Hi guys! Sorry my updates are so slow on this fic. I'm trying to keep my fics updated on a regular basis, but then that takes away from my time to read other great fics. So, I'm also sorry for my lack of feedback! Ya'll are always so faithful to give me feedback and I really appreciate it! Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Support, is one of the many things Jamie never failed to give me. She always believed in me and I guess it made me want to do well in medical school even more. The night before I had a major exam I stayed up late studying. I had to do well on it, and the longer I stayed up, the more determined I was that I was not prepared enough. Fatigue was setting in from my hunched position at the kitchen table, and as if sensing I needed a massage, Jamie placed her warm hands on my shoulders, rubbing them gently. She brought her mouth to my ear, whispering. "Hey.why don't you come to bed?" It was around three in the morning, and she had gone to bed hours before and had already checked on me once.  
  
"I'll come in a minute." I mumbled, still looking at my book.  
  
"That's what you said two hours ago."  
  
"Just a little longer. I have to do well on this exam."  
  
"Landon, you're not going to do well if you don't get any sleep."  
  
"I know." My eyes were so tired I could hardly see straight. I brought my hands to them, hearing Jamie pull out the chair beside me and take a seat. She removed one of my hands from its position over my eye, taking it in her own.  
  
"Listen to me, I know that this is important to you. But I also know that you put a lot of pressure on yourself when you don't need to. It's like you're trying to prove something Landon. You don't have to do that. There's nothing that could make me love you any less."  
  
"I know that." I whispered, but she wouldn't let me get off that easy. Looking back, I'm glad she didn't.  
  
"Do you?" Those two words pushed me to say something I should have said a long time ago.  
  
"Jamie it's just you deserve so much more than what I give you. You made me want to be better. You still do. You believed that I could get into medical school, and I did. I don't want to fail you now." It felt good to say it. I knew I could tell her anything, it just hadn't felt like the right time until then.  
  
"You couldn't." Her fingers caressed me face. "You can do this Landon. Promise me something though."  
  
"Anything." And I would have done anything for her.  
  
"When you ace that exam tomorrow, ace it for you and for Him, not for me or anyone else." I stared into her beautiful brown eyes and nodded.  
  
"I promise." This pleased her and her eyes shined at me. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that she was happy and that I had contented her.  
  
"Now, are you coming to bed?" I nodded and she smiled, taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom. The softness of the bed felt good, and I felt like I could sleep for hours. Jamie drew my arms around her waist, lying closely to me. She was asleep instantly, leaving me to my own thoughts.  
  
I felt the baby move and smiled to myself, then noting that Jamie had slept through it. I kissed her shoulder, leaving my chin in the crook of her neck. She had once again managed to make me feel better about myself and underhandedly reminded me to give it to God. And with those thoughts in mind, I felt asleep.  
  
  
  
When the alarm clock went off, I realized that Jamie was no longer in my arms. I saw her in the doorway then, tray in hand. "Good morning! How 'bout some breakfast? I made your favorite." She was cheerful as always and I laughed under my breath.  
  
"It-it sounds good. Thanks." She smiled and brought the tray over to me, then joined me on the bed. "Jamie you didn't have to do this."  
  
"Hey you have a big day and you should start it off with the proper nutrition."  
  
"Yes, but I want you to take it easy okay?" I tried not to let on, but I worried about her. Not just because of her present condition, but because of her previous. And though she had been cancer free for a while, her health still concerned me.  
  
"Yes sir." She saluted me with a smirk and I could help smiling at her.  
  
"When's your next doctors appointment anyway?" I asked between bites of eggs and toast.  
  
"Today." She said nonchalantly, stopping me from in-taking my next bite.  
  
"Today? Jamie why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Because I knew that your exam was today, and I didn't want you to have one more thing on your mind." Did she ever think of herself?  
  
"Jamie I want to be there with you though." She gently took my hand in hers, smiling that wonderful smile.  
  
"I know. Its okay, really."  
  
"What time's the appointment?"  
  
"10:30."  
  
"If I finish the exam early enough I can make it."  
  
"Landon don't rush okay. You've worked too hard for this."  
  
"I won't. I better get ready." I kissed her cheek and hopped out of bed. I glanced back at her before I left the room, but her eyes were closed. My lips parted to say something, but I didn't.  
  
TBC 


	8. Hopes

I know it's been I a while since I posted this. Hope you are still interested!  
  
Concerning Walk With Me Again: I'm sure you all have noticed that this fic has been removed. It wasn't my choice, but I had to because it went against the new ff.net rules. Anyway, if any of you are still interested in my fic, I am continuing it. So if you join my AWTR yahoo group, Cry Fever, you can get the new chapters that way. You certainly don't have to. I just wanted to offer. Thanks and God bless!  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cryfever_AWTR/  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
The clock ticked at a steady pace as I took my exam. I kept looking at it, seeing it slowly getting closer and closer to 10:30. At 10:25, I handed in my exam, leaving in a rush. Traffic seemed to be extra slow, but I wheeled into the parking lot at 10:47.  
  
"Jamie Carter?" I told the receptionist out of breath. The elevator wasn't fast enough, so I had run up the stairs.don't ask me why.  
  
"Are you Mr. Carter?" The middle aged blonde woman questioned with a smirk.  
  
"Yeah, that'd be me." She laughed, slightly shaking her head. Keep in mind that her hair didn't budge as she was sporting at least a bottle of hair spray. But that really didn't matter to me at the moment.  
  
"Room three."  
  
"Thanks." Jamie smiled when I came busting through the door.  
  
"You made it." She looked at me appreciatively, holding out her hand.  
  
"I told you I'd be here." I took her hand in mine and she smiled again. We found out we were going to have a girl that day, and I couldn't have been happier. Jamie and I had said we wanted to be surprised, but we decided we had to know.  
  
Jamie was so excited that we had to buy pink paint that day for the nursery. "I want it to be angelic." She told me, looking at the different color cards. I shook my head thinking that if the baby herself was anything like Jamie. that would be angelic enough.  
  
********************************************* "So how do you think you did on your exam today?" We were standing in the kitchen after dinner, doing the dishes. Jamie, of course, had to slip it in to the conversation.  
  
"Okay I guess." I said nonchalantly, continuing with my task.  
  
"You guess?"  
  
"I knew most of the answers."  
  
"Then that's better than okay."  
  
"I suppose." Jamie turned off the faucet and faced me.  
  
"When are you gonna start giving yourself more credit?"  
  
"When I stop loving you . . . and we know that'll be never." I stepped closer to her with a smirk.  
  
"Landon, I'm serious."  
  
"So am I." My hands went to her face. "But I am going to try to work on it....for you." She smiled, biting her lower lip, and then wrinkling her nose a moment later. "What is it?"  
  
"She's moving." I immediately dropped my hands to her stomach and we laughed together. Our eyes met again, Jamie's smile fading. "I love you." I closed my eyes, my cheek falling to hers. Her fingers ran through my hair, stopping at the back of my neck, and I rested my hands gently at her waist. I remember standing like that for a long time, and I remember how close I felt to Jamie at that moment.  
  
It must sound crazy, but hearing her small, steady breaths echoing in my ear, knowing what we had found out earlier that day.I realized then that our lives were changing, taking another turn in the long journey ahead. Fear though did not overcome me like it might have in the past. For I had Jamie and I had faith.and that was all I needed. *****************************************************************  
  
Jamie and I lay on the bed together that night, staring at the ceiling. ""The baby shower's on Friday."  
  
"I'm not supposed to be there am I?"  
  
"Uh . . . no." She giggled.  
  
"Good." We laughed, my lips falling to her hair. Jamie snuggled closer to me, her arm tightening across my waist. "So.what's your number one right now Mrs. Carter?"  
  
"That SHE will be happy and healthy." When she emphasized "she", it reminded me that we did indeed know what to refer to the baby as.  
  
"It's kinda strange knowing now."  
  
"Yeah . . . but I'm glad we found out."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I hope the next three months will pass really quickly. I mean.I never want to wish life away.but I can't wait to see her."  
  
"You know what I hope?" She looked up at me, ready to hear whatever I had to say. I stared at her beautiful face and knew and smiled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I hope she'll be just like you."  
  
TBC 


	9. Back to Waiting

Chapter Ten  
  
I arrived at the end of the baby shower as instructed to pick up all the gifts. An elderly lady opened the door and smiled. "Perfect timing." She obviously knew who I was, or least I guess she assumed, considering I was the only male there. Anyway, the room was full of women. They were all chatting and laughing so it was quite noisy. I saw Belinda first and she walked over to me. "Hi Landon."  
  
"Hey . . . listen thanks for doing this for Jamie." I still felt a little awkward around her and I felt foolish for it.  
  
"No problem. It was the least I could do." She told me with an air of guilt in her voice.  
  
"Jamie forgave you a long time ago." Her eyes fell to her feet.  
  
"Yeah . . . have you?" She looked at me then, and for some reason the words just came.  
  
"Yes.I have." She smiled and I did as well. Jamie would be pleased if she could hear us taking now, I remember thinking.  
  
"I'm really happy for you Landon." She smiled softly and walked away. I took a deep breath as Jamie and I made eye contact. She smiled brightly and I couldn't help doing the same. The next half hour was filled with thanks and pleasant goodbyes. As I watched Jamie through it all, I noticed how tired she looked. It was nothing I kept telling myself, but she just didn't look quite right to me. No one else seemed to notice, but I knew her better than they did.  
  
Then I realized that she hadn't actually moved since I'd arrived. The whole time she remained seated in one of the living room chairs. The more and more I thought about it, the bigger it got in my mind. So I was quite relieved when everyone left. Belinda went to the kitchen for something, leaving us alone. "Hey . . . are you okay?" I whispered concerned. She shook her head and put a smile on her face.  
  
"I'm just tired." When she tried to stand though, she closed her eyes, sitting back down.  
  
"Jamie . . . talk to me please." This terrible feeling was rising within me, and I was starting to panic.  
  
"Landon . . . could you um . . . please take me home . . . I'm really . . . not feeling very well." Her eyes held a certain look about them . . . a look that was familiar from when she was sick.  
  
"Sure but . . ." Belinda walked back into the room then.  
  
"Jamie I put the rest of the cake in container and . . ." She then noticed that something was wrong. "Is she okay?"  
  
"I think I better get her home." I helped Jamie stand and she managed to yet again put a smile on her face.  
  
"Thank you so much for today Belinda. It really meant a lot." She leaned on me for support and I knew she didn't want to let on to Belinda that something was wrong. So I held her securely.  
  
"Oh . . . you're welcome . . . are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine. I'm just feeling a little light headed all the sudden." And then she passed out in my arms. Nothing seemed real. It was as if everything were moving in slow motion or something. I told Belinda to call an ambulance and it arrived soon after. It seemed much longer to me though as I held Jamie in my arms on the floor, desperately trying to revive her. But she never woke up. **************************************************************************** ** I was back to waiting again. The white walls were surrounding me once more, and it felt like I was losing her all over again. I hated that feeling of not knowing, but I seemed to have to experience it quite often. I don't regret having to deal with it though because then I wouldn't have had Jamie.  
  
Finally, the doctor came out told me and the rest of the family that had gathered by then, that everything had been stabilized. "Her body's been through a lot because of her previous illness . . ." Cancer . . . I wanted to shout it at him. That's what she had suffered from. Sure it was an illness, but it was so much more than that. Then I realized that it was stupid for me to even be thinking about that, given the current situation.  
  
They let me see Jamie a few minutes later. As I walked into her room, I saw the monitors showing her steady heart rate. Slowly, I sat down beside her and remained silent for a few minutes. I just stared at the monitors, listening to the almost comforting sound they made. I saw a smaller light flashing steadily as well, it obviously showing the baby's heart rate, and smiled. "Hey . . . we're all here together . . . just like you'd want."  
  
While I slipped Jamie's hand into mine, I once again listened to the steady beeping of the monitors, all the memories of when she was sick came flooding back and brought tears to my eyes. "Jamie I can't lose you. Not now.not after everything. We've come so far. Thinking I was going to have to let you go the last time was hard enough.now I might have to let you both go.Jamie I don't know if I can do that." Then I realized that Jamie would tell me to pray and give it to God, and so that's what I did . . . until I finally fell asleep in the middle of the night.  
  
TBC 


	10. Without You

Chapter Eleven  
  
"Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart  
  
That I'm better off without you  
  
'Cause baby I can't live . . ."  
  
When the morning came, Jamie was still stabilized. I woke up feeling stiff, my thoughts in a blur. Then I remembered. Jamie had passed out in my arms yesterday and as I looked at her now, she still slept. I stretched a little and then leaned forward in my chair towards her. I kissed her head, taking her hand, but then pulled away so I could see her face. I smiled at her, but then my eyes filled up again. "Wake up Jamie." I whispered. "Please wake up." She didn't.  
  
After about an hour went by, Jamie's dad entered the room and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Landon . . . run home son." And for a moment, I was in the past again, reliving some old scene. I blinked quickly, wondering if I were dreaming. I wasn't.  
  
"I'm not tired." But this time he didn't say he needed a minute with her, so I looked up at him. He was just starring at me and nodded.  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"The same."  
  
"I just spoke to the doctor . . . looked up at him expectantly. "He suggested surrounding her with something memorable in her life. Maybe we could play for her or have her listen to something she's recorded." I sat up in my chair suddenly.  
  
"I've got an idea." **************************************************************************** ****** I was alone with Jamie again, guitar in hand. I cleared my throat and began lightly strumming its strings.  
  
"There's a song that's inside of my soul  
  
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again  
  
I'm awake in the infinite cold  
  
But you sing to me over and over and over again. So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only yours  
  
I know now you're my only hope" I looked at Jamie. No change. "Sing to me the song of the stars  
  
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again  
  
When it feels like my dreams are so far  
  
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again" I closed my eyes and thought of when I proposed to her. How she slightly nodded and I kissed her. "So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only yours  
  
I know now you're my only hope" I could see her walking down the aisle in my mind, smiling and filled with joy. "I give you my destiny  
  
I'm giving you all of me  
  
I want your symphony  
  
Singing in all that I am  
  
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back" And when we got our first miracle and then our second. "So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only yours  
  
I know now you're my only hope." I brought my fingers to a halt, my eyes still closed and the room now silent. "Landon?" My eyes flew open at her soft voice. She was looking at me peacefully, a smile on her face. I tried to lean closer to her, but then realized my guitar was in the way. I set it on the ground and then sat down on the bed with her. "Hey . . ." I whispered smiling. "You're awake." "What happened?" "You uh . . . fainted yesterday." Her eyes closed as she gave a slight nod. "I remember now." She looked at me suddenly. "Is she okay?" "Yeah . . . you're both fine." She nodded relieved. "I'm sorry." She whispered a moment later, causing my brow to furrow in confusion. "For what?" "For putting you through this." I covered her hand with mine, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Without you I'm nothing." "That's not true." She countered in a soft, but firm voice. I starred at her for a moment, knowing what she was thinking. "The thought of losing you.I haven't had to feel that in a really long time. I don't want to ever feel that again."*  
  
************************************************************* Jamie stayed in the hospital for another three days and was only released on the condition of being put on immediate bed rest at home until the baby was due. I know it was hard for Jamie to not do much all day, but she did it with joy just like she did everything else in life. We tried to make the most of it though and on my days off, I would often stay in bed with her for a long time or whatever she needed me to do.  
  
One day we had a huge storm blow through and I remember crawling back in bed with Jamie during the afternoon and watching the rain fall from the heavens. Jamie was lying on her side, staring out the window and I lied down beside her, wrapping my arm around her waist. "It's beautiful isn't it? The rain I mean."  
  
"Yeah it is." I kissed her neck and I could see the corner of her mouth turning up. She placed her hand on mine, and then began gently playing with my index finger.  
  
"I love you Landon." She said with a touch of sadness in her voice. It startled me a little and I urged her to face me with a gentle tug on her arm. She turned slightly on her back and looked up at me with those deep brown eyes.  
  
"I love you too." I told her, grazing her cheek with my thumb.  
  
"I just want you to know.how special this time together is to me. It's like I've waited my whole life.just to get to moments like this.with you." Her eyes danced between mine, her voice now filled with hope.  
  
"I feel the same way. I don't even remember who I was before I fell in love with you." She smiled.  
  
"I do."  
  
"Without you I'm not okay  
  
And without you I've lost my way  
  
My heart's stuck in second place ooh  
  
Without you . . . "  
  
TBC  
  
Song Credits: "Without You"-Dixie Chicks "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-by Jonathan Foreman 


End file.
